By Elizabeth Alber
Life seems to ebb and flow, in and out, up and down, with high and low tides. Earlier this year it was all flow- classes were full, people were excited about learning. One guy spent half his time learning himself and the other half teaching what he learned to his fellow Spanish speaker. There was enthusiasm around the table, ideas being thrown out, counter ideas being discussed – loudly at times. Tests were ready to be taken.
Then the ebb started. As is common in corrections, a student’s time was up– either time served here or released to a longer term facilit– either way, he left at 8am, never to be seen here again. Right when he was making such progress, he’s gone. That rattles the class as it is another reminder that they too could be called at any time and be walked out the door. All the lessons are not a waste of my time, because they benefitted that student, yet, I’m frustrated that someone else’s program will get the gain, see him to the finish line. I remind myself again that the ultimate goal is his graduation, not my numbers. That’s really hard, because aren’t we judged by our numbers?
So I work on the flow again. Encourage those still here, try to relieve their fears that are truly real. Work with who is willing to come. Next week the same thing happens, and I lose another the same way. Those who are ready to test, test and I wait impatiently for the paper and pencil scores to come. Praying they come before someone else disappears and I can only send results to an attorney’s email. They come and we are all relieved; they all passed but more importantly, the scores come in time to celebrate that success with them, pictures taken, cupcakes eaten, congratulations given, sincere wishes for a successful future are offered. Now we wait for the diplomas to come and while waiting another one leaves. GRR- I really wanted to get that in his hand before he left. Ebb in the mists of flow.
Then we start again. New students come, because they heard of the past success of their fellow inmates. They wonder if they will get it all done before they leave. I encourage them to not worry, to just do the job and keep working. Worse case, they finish this somewhere else. I remind myself that I have twice reaped the blessing of a graduate that started elsewhere. My flow but someone else’s ebb.
My once full classes are now smaller, but that is part of the way things go. Smaller, but intense, smaller but high interest, smaller but more one on one help. Flow in the midst of ebb until it is hard to tell if the tide is coming in or going out. Maybe that is the point. Don’t worry about the high and low tides, just keep doing the job, adjust as needed, be the rock when the waves get higher, be the lighthouse that warns where the danger is. Don’t worry about the ocean’s push and pull, stay steady and just do the job.
